Speaking at a press conference outside a Denny's restaurant in Tukwila, Washington a visibly scheming McCain admitted he'd opposed most affirmative action proposals in the past but stated, "At this time in our great nation's history, it's time for new thinking and fresh ideas. My friends, we need to drop outdated policies about age, race, gender and embrace change as we move forward together. That's why today I'm proud to propose that in this November's election the people are allowed to vote to chose between three candidates. In the strongest terms in and in the great tradition of diversity that we share as Americans, I urge both Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton to stay in the race as Presidential nominees."
The gathered reporters stood in silence for a moment, cocked their heads slowly to one side, and then scribbled in their notebooks as McCain continued.
"I can't imagine anything more exciting for the United State than for the world to see me, Senator Obama and Senator Clinton all competing against one another this November", McCain spake. "We'd make history with three major party candidates running for President - myself, a humble normal white man and the others representing the vast melting rainbow of America. It would be like a warming bowl of Democracy Stew - men, women, Christians, ultra-liberals, Muslims, lesbians, people Hamas likes, and war heroes - all spread out on the buffet line of freedom for Americans to pick from until we are all slightly nauseous as citizens and need to loosen our national trousers."
Asked about the problems of two Democrats running for President at the same time, McCain chuckled impishly. "It's fine with me. I wouldn't mind that at all. It's the people in the Democrat party who I hear complaining about too many candidates, not the American people. The people obviously like all three of us as candidates so I think we should let the people decide on this one in November." McCain then burst out laughing, despite a stern whisper from Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman.
The Obama campaign refused to answer questions on the matter, only stating "This is a joke, right? Right?"
However, when reached for comment late Wednesday, the Clinton campaign seemed receptive. "Sure, we'd do that in instant or a heartbeat or yesterday." Clinton campaign chair Terry McAuliffe said, his voice rising to the shrill pitch as sweat beaded on his forehead like the outside of a mug of Lipton's left on the patio table on a sweltering July afternoon. "We've always felt that the rules of the election were not fair to working people and that the election should reflect the porous reality that many first year Community College philosophy majors believe in. We look forward to taking on both Senators McCain and Obama in November because we know Hillary Clinton is ready to fight America on day one. Do you have something for me to sign? Because I'll sign it right now."
McCain finished the press conference by showing reporters a document that he claimed to have gotten from the Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts stating that the unusual election proposal was 'pre-approved'. It was later confirmed that the letter was from Chief Justice Roberts and that both the letter and the envelope the letter came in had the words Pre Approved! written in a red 36 point Franklin Gothic Bold font.